Are You My Morphine?

Ye tumhaare mere bich kaisi chup ki nadi behne lagi... phir sochti hun iss nadi par pul to bas maine banaya tha, apni aur se... tumhari taraf se toh hamesa se bas khaamoshi hi thi... jab tak main baatein karti... hansti...khilkhilati... nadi par ek pul ban aata jisper kuch der saath me bita kar hum sajha ek suraj dubo dia karte.

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Mo... r.. ph... ine... uske chehre par ab lagbhagh koi bhaav shesh nahi the... jism hi nahi ab uski aankhein bhi sangyahin ho chuki thi... tute akshar keh paati thi, kabhi kabhi.... Sa.. ma... r... ye hi naam hua karta tha. doctors samajh nahi paate the ki use kis cheez ki zyada jarurat thi... Samar yaa Morphine ki... Wo bimari ke aakhiri stage me thi, jahan se wapas aane ka koi raasta nahi tha... Intezaar tha toh bas maut ka, ki wo aaye aur ye dard ka rishta tute. Use roz morphine ke niyat dose di jaati thi...par sayad dard iss ha tak tha ki nindbehoshi me bhi jo shabd uske muh se phutte wo yaa to morphine hota yaa Samar...doctor bas sochta reh jaata ki ye samar kahin english wala summer to nahi...kahin kisi garmi ke din me toh iska man  nahi atka hua hai....

Road accident ka case tha... koi bhi claim karne nahi aaya use. Trainee doctor sochta kya koi iss tarah akele ho sakta hai... zindagi me akela aur ab zindagi aur maut ke bich ki iss ladai me bhi akela... abhi - abhi medical complete hua hai... first internship thi... aur pehla case ye allot hua tha... spinal cord fracture ho gaya tha.. pura jism paralyze ho gaya tha sirf gardan ke upar ke hisse me jaan shesh thi... koi nahi jaanta tha ki use kitna dard ho raha tha... Doctor ko ab shaq hone laga tha ki use sunai bhi deta hai kya...Wo sochta hai kya badnasibi hai apni maut me bhi akeli rahegi...  koi bhi uska haath pakadkar kar nahi kahega..." I WILL MISS YOU".. phir bhi TUM JAO... tum jao ki ab tumhe aur dard me nahi dekha jaata...wahan jao jahan dard naa ho...khusiyaan ho...roshni ho...khusbu ho...

Doctor ko kai baar ye lagta ki ladki kuch bol sakti hai... par wo jisse baat karna chahti hai wo aas-pass nahi hai, aur wo jo ye naam le lia karti hai wo bilkul nimbehoshi me le leti hai...jaise ki naam naa ho koi painkiller hai...  naam lene ke us ek pal me uske chehre par ajeeb si snighdhatha aa jaati hai...pyaari si komal muskaan..warna pure 24 ghante uska chehra dard se safed pada rehta... naa jaane kaun saa dard tha jo itni morphine pump karne ke bawzud wo jab bhi honsh me aati to bas morphine ki hi rat lagaye  rakhti...
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'Doctor, Will you hold my hand for a moment?'
Wo jantaa tha ki ladki kuch mehshush nahi kar sakti, sayad yahi bhaav uske chehre par aa gaye the... ladki ne hi phir kaha...
'Touch is not a skin sense.... Its a Herat sense'... phir samjhaane ke andaaz me boli ... sparsh ko hum dil se mehshush karte hain...kya aapko aisa nahi lagta?'
'Sayad'...
ladki ki aawaz aisi dubi hui thi ki maano zindagi ke us paar se aati hui lag rahi thi...
'Mujhe aisa hi lagta hai....' Achha doctor!...mujhe aapse do favour chaiye... Death Wish samajh liziye...
Doctor uska haath thaame betha tha... bas "haan" me sar hila diya...
"Will You hold my hand till my last breath?"... main akele nahi marna chahti..."I am a little scared to die".
Doctor ne phir sirf haan me sar hilaaya aur use aaswast karne ke lie kaha... "main hun...yahin hun"
'Koi mujhe dhunde aayega ...kabhi...Samar naam hoga uska...aap mujhshe wada kiziye ki aap usse kahenge ki maine uska naam kabhi nahi liya... kabhi bhi nahi"
Ye bada ajeeb sa wada tha... par doctor janta tha ki uske pass kuch ginti ki saansen hain.... jisme se aadhi wo kharch kar chuki hai... toh usne sirf haan me sar hilaaya... Halanki puchne ko hazaar sawaal the... par agar kisi ki aakhiri ichha kisi jhut ko jina hai to use mana bhi kaise kar sakta hai doctor... Phir... phir bas intezaar tha...jo zyada lamba nahi tha...ladki yun bhi rit chuki thi dard se...par jaate waqt ek sukun tha uske chehre pe... aise jaise zindagi me koi afsos baaki naa raha ho...

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Doosra intezzar aath saal lamba khinch gaya... doctor ko us sahar se lagaav ho gaya... wahan usne apna ek private clinic start kar lia tha...jahan usne ek hospice bhi banwaya tha terminally ill patiets ke lie... Ladki ke chehre ki yaadein dhundlane lagi thi ki ek din uske pass phone aaya... koi Samar tha... uske baare me puch raha tha.

Thodi der baad dono coffe shop me the, ye bada hi nutrat sa environment tha... koi  bhaav nahi... koi dard nahi...koi past nahi... koi future nahi.. Samar... Safed shirt, Blue jeans ... writer wala chasma... kachhe pakkek se baal... badi nafaasat se bahra chehra...Apna Parichay dia aur yun baat karne laga jaise barson ki aatmiyata hai... Ladki ka naam Paakhi tha... love marriage ki un dono ne... gharwalon ki marzi ke khilaaf...sab ko chod yahaan ek alag sahar me ek nayi dunia basayi thi dono ne... usne anginat kisse sunaye unke pehli baar milne ke... uske doston ki...Paakhi ki sanak ki... Paakhi apne naam jaisi hi thi... khuli gagan me udti, phudakti... Thahrana kahan aata tha use...

Ek din bahut choti si baat pe jhagra hua tha...aur wo apni aadat ke according gaadi lekar nikal gayi thi...Main bhi jaldi me tha... meeting ke lie Delhi jaana tha... shaam ki flight thi... Aise chote mote jhagre to hotte hi rehte hain... agle pure din Paakhi ka cell switch off raha... unusual nahi laga...Kyonki jab wo gussa hoti hai to mahino baatein nahi karti...ek shabd bhi nahi...bas ruth kar apni kisi dost ke ghar chali jaati... Main Orkut/facebook se directly indirectly use manane ki kosis karta...wo kuch dino me khud wapas aa jaati aur phir sab thik ho jaata...par us din jab main delhi se aaya toh dekha wo ghar par nahi thi...Maine use bahut dhunda... Itne saal mujhe lagta ki wo mujhshe bahut naarz ho gai hai... par kabhi toh wapas aayegi...Par abhi kal hi pata chala ki usne apni aakhiri saanse kahan li...

Samar ne Pucha...Baar-baar pucha... usne ek baar toh mera naam lia hoga... kuch toh kaha hoga... ek baar hi sahi...Doctor ne Naa me sar hilaya...har baat ko sire se nakaarta raha...ki wo comma me thi... usne kabhi ek shabd nahi kaha.... bas chup hi chali gayi.

Koi tumhe apni duwaon me har roz jilaaye to chain se marna bhi kitna muskil ho jaata hai... Ruhein bhatkti reh jaati hain... Purn rup se jaane ke lie ye jaruri hai ki jitne bhi logon ki yaadon me tum ho sabse tumhe jabran mitaya jaaye...

Doctor ne dekha samar ki aankhein bhar aayi...itna wo bhi jaanta tha ki vida kehna hamesha takhlifdeh hota hai...phir chae kuch kah kar jao yaa chuppe... haan chuppe chale jao to yaadein kum takhlifdeh ban jaati hain ... khaalipan ko koi kaise yaad kar sakta hai.

Jaruri tha Samar...tumhare jine ke lie... tumhara dil todna jaruri tha... Wo log kitne khushnasib hote hain jinhe koi apni zindagi ke aakhiri lamhe me yaad karta tha... Doctor ka man tha ki ek baar samar ko kaskar gale laagaye aur bataye ki kisi ne usse maut ke lamhe tak beinthaan pyaar kia hai... Magar itna kehne se kahin se koi darwaza nahi khulta jo use wapas laa sakta hai... maut ki aur ke darwaze sirf one way hote hain... wahan ki aur jaane wale sawaalon ka koi jawaab nahi aata...

Jab sawaal bahut zyada ho jaaye toh sabse sahi jawaab hai ki koi jawaab hi naa dia jaaye...
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Kahani toh Kahani hai... Chaliye Zindagi ki baat karte hain... Bataiye aisa pyar kya hai...
Dard yaa Morphine???